In the midst of my blithering about how I was going to put on my psychic brass knuckles and meet a particularly nasty harpy in the aethers, my husband was on his way to the gallery and trying to manage my latest revelation. I told him to go, so he kissed me goodbye — and because he knows I don’t enter the “5th dimensional battle arena” very often — he reminded me that if I was going to “Go In” I should probably do the crystal-blue-sapphire-meditation with this creature before the main annihilation event and retrieve that part of my soul it possessed; otherwise that part of my soul would be blasted into a place far far away, and probably very difficult to find.
I’m a merciless interdimensional warrior these days. I don’t take prisoners anymore.
Which is why I am very careful when I go all Kali on someone. Or something.
My husband was very kind and thoughtful about my process this morning. He’s watched me long enough to know that I become a histrionic mess when I’ve been psychically f*cked with for a period of years and when I can’t take the shyte anymore? I sort of …
... end things.
Today wasn’t any different.
He gently said, as he poked his head into my office, “I know that you are very wise and shit, but have you done the Crystal Blue Sapphire Meditation with so and so yet?”
Indeed, I had not.
Never even occurred to me.
I thanked him for his wisdom also, and thought that I should definitely do this meditation before I kicked the chakra system of this heinous thing into a black hole big enough to swallow it for at least four eternities.
In the process of setting up my altar space, burning sage and chanting the Bingo Bongo BeGone Mantra, my phone rang no less than two times from family members too dear to ignore. One of them was alerted to my new endeavor and she said, “If it’s an energy vampire, it will feed off of your energy and why the hell do you want to feed this demon anything? Don’t waste your energy blasting it to damnation. Someone else will, and by the way, I got some new yarn. It’s awesome.”
I almost felt better. But then I remembered how phucking angry I was when I went back to my altar to meditate on how not to feed the demon.
So I sat in prayer as I said I would, and began the Crystal Blue Sapphire Meditation. I asked my family of angels and guides to protect me, surround me with golden light and if I fell into an abyss, they should probably find me. Please and Thank you.
The struggle for that piece of my soul was where I learned about real bitterness. I learned about real power. And I learned that this meditation kicks ass without “kicking ass.”
I am almost ashamed to admit that each time I asked for that piece of me, this person became angrier and angrier and I became more amused. It was such a surprise, although each time I opened my eyes and started anew, I did it with a clear head and a clear heart. For those unfamiliar with the process behind the CBSM, to “begin again” simply means repeating the process of going into the visualization part of the meditation where you “telepathically” ask for that piece of your “soul energy” back.
I truly “began again” and waited for the return of my essence she had stolen. There were moments in this meditation that I wasn’t expecting. Scenes and behaviors from this person that almost made the effort comical.
I was determined to continue until I had that piece of me back, though.
Mostly because I wanted to brawl afterwards. I believed it would make me feel better.
But my efforts in managing the soul retrieval remained futile.
Finally, I went back into the years and I eventually found this armadillo fart of a person in a moment where she was just about as human as possible. I focused on her laugh, her smile and it was then she “saw” me when she approached the safe center of the meditation.
I saw her, too. I saw a fractured, tiny thing without a stage or a spotlight. I saw something with very little true light at all, if any. I saw fear and bitterness and a cold, dark and lonely space. She would always be a barren moon, orbiting a sun and stealing light without reflecting any of the goodness around her.
I couldn’t feel any compassion for her empty cavernous soul because she was choosing her path consciously. There are those who are hard wired to ignore the facts, and spiritual blindness can be a disease; but her disease was her ego and false sense of entitlement.
We looked at each other and it was returned.
I opened my eyes and damn near forgot to “infuse it into my body” — but I could still “feel” that blue sapphire soul piece in my auric hand and so I gently placed it into my center. Into my heart.
I rested for a bit.
Contemplated on the difficulty of this session. Contemplated this person’s antics and game playing in the aethers and suddenly I realized I didn’t care to engage in psychic romper room arrow flinging anymore.
Then I laughed at myself and at her and the entire situation.
Most of all, I realized that this meditation came through me years ago not just to share with you, but to share my experiences with it as well. Furthermore, because I walk my talk (even if it means I do that with crystalline brass knuckles — because demons suck, yo) I can honestly say that if you sit your ass down and take back what was taken, you do feel better.
Sometimes you can avert cosmic disaster. Or feeding vampires.
You get to feed your soul.
Your beautiful, shiny light soul.
And sometimes you are called to kick cosmic ass too.
But only if you really need to.